When really no (at least not yet).
iPhones are overrated.
I never was a studious student. And to be honest, it is hilarious. I grew up with smart and hard working classmates, but I never learned anything from them. While people were studying and trying to get into a good college, I was hehe watching hours of Korean/Chinese/American tv shows. And of course it took a lot of time. That’s three different kinds of drama. But seriously, I wasted so much time. Well, it technically wasn’t a waste. I just missed out on learning to be a good student.
Now, I am in college. And yes I am failing.
I haven’t learned how to manage my time well. I haven’t learned how to study well for exams. I haven’t learned how to sit in a chair and do homework. I am very behind. My classmates have transferred their work and study habits to their life in college. And all of them are doing pretty well, well the ones I still keep in touch with. And I am stuck on a new page with no experience.
But I didn’t know that at first. So when I came to college, I thought it wouldn’t be hard. I could just really “wing it” or “bs it.” But yep, nah. I got my 3 exam scores back, and they were all D’s. The scores were 65, 66, and 69. I purposely put it in an increasing order, because it seemed a little more positive. I knew there was something wrong. I was thinking of all the possibilities of typos from teachers, but I was thinking too much. It was my problem.
I have been fortunate to have parents that were supportive and strong. They would get mad at my grades and scores, but tell me to just work harder next time. They were on the calmer side, but would still stress. They were busy with making sure the family business was doing well. And there were other factors as well, but that’s just a part of life. I knew that many other parents would get mad. And I am not here to judge any parenting style. But I knew my parents wanted to me to also have fun and be happy. They didn’t want to put too much pressure on me.
I am forever grateful for that. But because they weren’t as strict, I would say I was able to live in a stress-free environment. I never really worked my a** off to get good grades. I tried for some tests and classes, but it was never consistent. It seemed more of like a playground for me. One day, I could play on the swings. The next day, I could play on the slide. But now I can’t. I need to play on the swings, slides, and monkey bars.
College has been a new experience, especially being so far away from home. I try to stay in contact with my parents. But, life gets busy. They have a restaurant to worry about, and business is not doing so well. People seem to have fallen in love with Uber Eats and Grubhub. I may be a part of that, too.
We are all busy doing our own things, and trying to stay strong. My parents work night and day, and the hour commute to work is not fun. They have a lot on their plate, and it’s not even the food they cook for customers. They have been so busy. And I should get my act together. It just can be hard to tell them I failed another assignment/quiz/exam.
The classes I do well in don’t seem to stick compared to the ones I keep failing. If I do well in a class, they will be happy. But then the next day I call and say I failed an exam. Like a 55% on my exam. It is hard, but I can’t hide it. I always tell my parents what I get on everything. And I think that’s part of the reason they are less strict about my education. I fail. I mess up. But I tell the whole process and keep them updated.
It’s just hard, sometimes. I don’t want them to worry about the crazy girl that’s 5 hours away and can’t seem to get her s*** together. And it’s not even my shaky hands. Even though I spill the beans all the time, I say I will try harder. And yea, my “trying harder” is apparently a lower score that shows no improvement. My parents seem to be used to me saying “I got this!” Yea I don’t.
I need some advice/assistance or really just a slap to my face. It’s like my cold morning showers are just not enough. I know that I am making a lot of changes in my life and trying to improve, but it’s not enough. I need to actually do something about it. Everybody can dream. But it’s only going to be a dream, if I do nothing about it. I need to wake up, and do something.
I am probably going to keep failing many more exams. I am probably going to confuse and annoy all my teachers, but I know that I will do something about it. I just need to try more and more, find the method that works for me. In the meantime, I can only tell my parents “I got this!”
And hope they keep paying my tuition, or I need to start finding a job.
